I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
