apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
being pregnant is like rehab
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
