im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
