Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
