I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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