You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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