Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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