first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
