This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
