I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
