Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
as a side note pls kill me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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