i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
