He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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