We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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