??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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