He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
