he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She bit a glass in half.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
