i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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