operation have a gay friend backfired
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
