I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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