Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
