Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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