Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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