Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
