So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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