What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
