She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
