Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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