that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
