I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
