Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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