remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
