The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
