Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize