I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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