i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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