Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
