What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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