i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
