I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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