weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize