hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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