He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He felt like a one man threesome
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
