i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
