Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
