He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
