My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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