I'm going to jail i love you
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i came on her dog
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize