Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
