some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
