I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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