We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
