Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
