i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
