is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
