Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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