Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
