Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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