mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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