i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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