Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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