Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
