Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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