Can i not drive my cunt home
I need help removing her.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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