Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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