So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
