there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
