I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
