he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
